Reading Journal #1 - Being meaningful

(Matthew West- More)

(I thought this CCM matched the theme of my writing, and my experience.)

In the book Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption, there was a character named Red. He was the narrator of the story, and the best friend of Andy, who was the main character of the story. He was the one who could get anything for others in the jail. And that's how Andy and Red became friends. Also, even though the buying and delivering things for the others didn't do any good to Red, he still did the job as he really appreciated the title of 'the person who can get things to you'.

When Andy and Red were talking about leaving the jail, Andy asked if Red could join Andy's business.  However, Red presented his worries about being useless outside of the jail. In the jail, he was a very important person who had the power to bring things in. But at outside, there are others who already had the job that Red have had in the jail. He was worried to loose the title and the power at outside. That was one of the reasons why Red was afraid to leave the jail.

I also had the similar feelings when I first came to this school, KMLA, which is a very admired high school in Korea, I believe. When I was attending a normal middle school, I was a smart girl with other special abilities, like playing flute. All teachers who taught me knew me and remembered my name. When there was a question, my classmates brought that them to me and asked for help. When I gained awards, people took it for granted.

However, in this school, nobody noticed me. I wasn't smart. There were other people who had the title 'smart'. I didn't have other special extra abilities. It's something more like 'required', as every other people had it too. Teachers didn't know my name. I wasn't special at all, so I wasn't worthy to be remembered by others. I had to bring my questions to others in order to solve it. I lost the title as Red lost his title at outside of his world, Shawshank. I lost all confidence I used to have and I became very negative. I wondered if this place was where I should really be. If I was at ordinary high school, maybe I could have been just like I used to be in the middle school. Good old days. Other people looked marvelous and there was no place for me to fit in. I considered myself very miserable.

Red must have felt the same when he was thrown out of his cozy Shawshank. Even though the place was where other jail people wished to be, it was certainly not for Red. People didn't pay attention to Red, and he was a replaceable worker to the society. He must have felt very miserable in repeated life that he could never get used to. Being in a place where doesn't belong to the person creates big pain. Red accepted Shawshank as his place and rejected what we call 'normal life'. Being outside of the Shawshank created him a big deal of pain.

However, he found his place in the world. It was with Andy. Andy saw Red's values and created his place even though the society classified him as 'useless'. Andy cheered Red up and gave him hope. Because of Andy, Red could stand up and went on a journey to find his place in the world, not like Brooks, who couldn't find his place in the society and finally died.

In my case, God worked as Andy. When I was down and felt miserable, he was with me and kept said that I was also precious. As I gained the confidence back, I could see my state more clearly without any negative blinders. I actually was able to fit in this school. I found my place in here too. It's not a well-known and respected place like I had when I was in the middle school, but it's a place where I can have fun and feel comfortable and protected. I'm doing many activities that wouldn't have been allowed if I quit this school and went to normal high school, like the club activities and school projects. I also helped some of my friends by listening to their stories and being together when they were going through harsh time. I realized that I wasn't the only one who had such concerns.

Still, the school is very challenging and I feel miserable sometimes. However, I never think of quitting this school anymore. It's all my life and experience. If I just stop everything right now, I am sure that I will regret my choice even after I die. I hope Red feels the same after he meets Andy and start the business. The time gap that was created because of the imprisonment isn't an easy enemy. They will have times when they face big troubles and miss the Shawshank. However, I hope they will take that as one of the experiences that they missed while they were in the jail.
I hope they never lose their hope and keep heading forward.
I hope at the time they die, they don't regret things for not challenging.
And when I continue to live on this harsh world, I hope I kept considered myself as a beautiful person, no matter what.
I hope