Letter to future

Dear Isabella,

Hey, how are you? Well, yeah it’s really meaningless to ask how, because you probably are feeling frightened as this letter is supposed to be opened right before you have determined to do something that would seriously damage yourself. I know that you have complex feelings and even regret your decision; however, I want you to remember a few things that I would tell you in this letter.

Remember the time you also wrote a letter to yourself in high school? It was during a camp right before the sophomore first semester, which was one of the hardest moments of your life. At the beginning of the semester, you cried so hard, and as time passed, you didn’t even have a strength left to cry. Torturing days passed, and after the semester, you received the letter and opened it, finding a huge surprise buried inside the envelope. You did get mature and what you were demanding had been achieved in the end, even though the path was different from your expectations. Although the letter was full of worries and advices, you didn’t need any of them by the time.

I hope this letter would give you a similar feeling. You may feel that everything is going wrong, and your plans have been collapsed and turned upside-down. But you don’t need to worry at all of the way you are going. As you know that you have grown more than the time this letter was written, you sure will grow again after the incident you are planning.

To tell about right now so you can compare, the day I’m writing is not so far from when you started to get interested in environmental studies. Environment is surely fascinating. Remember the day you went to India camp for women leadership? You were totally defeated by the fact that such camp wasn’t able to bring a big change as you have ambitiously expected at the starting day. Craving for a method that would bring a fundamental change, you got interested in environmental studies. And the interest reached the peak and decided to pour your energy and life into environment when you attended the Canaan camp where you found out a small change in environment can bring a huge change to the people. Whenever your father had some alcohol in him, he told you to become a doctor, telling you how guilty he feels in front of sick people as he didn’t became one. Yet, you decided to make a world that doesn't need a doctor: the world where people won’t get sick so helplessly due to small error in environment. However, I currently don’t know what exact part of environment I would take role in and wants to find out.

Obviously, I do not know what you would be exactly doing, what you are thinking, and what people you are with when you opened this. You might not be leaving to Africa to help the native troops by changing the environment despite of chance of getting killed, as I am drawing the future right now. However, you must be doing something that makes you sacrifice the thing that’s most important to you, as this letter is to be opened in such case. I just want to say that I had never lost my faith in you that you would be doing something great. And I know that many people around you feel the same, supporting you as always.

You probably would be missing the things you have left behind. However, remember that because of your choice, many people would no longer have to miss more important things. Although you always crave for more, you know that you have received more than enough. Don't forget that you also have received a lot of help from the others.


God bless you.

 Isabella in 2013

Video from Cadee's class

30 LIST

1. Studying Environment to make a world that doesn't need doctors
• Environment can change the fundamental problems lying in the world. My father wanted me to be a doctor so I could save many people, but I believe that being an environmental scientist can save more people than doctors can do. 
2. Planning to die in thirties in Africa by native troop
• Christianity and Sacrifice. 
3. Rock and Roll- Love of Korean Indie Bands
• I can confidently say that I'm one of the best Korean indie music lovers in KMLA. I really like their songs, to attend their concerts (especially small ones in live clubs near the HongIk University), and to get to know their philosophy. 
4. What I felt while I was writing the rolling papers for the praying club members
• I haven't noticed before, but while I was filling out rolling papers of the Sunbaes in Prayer group, I realized how I have been affected by them and how significant they were in my life, forming today's myself.
5. The hardest moment in my life : sophomore first semester
• Due to tough class schedule, relationship problems with others, and responsibilities pressing my shoulders, I had a hard time in 2-1. It is recounted as one of the hardest moment in my life that I don't want to experience again even though I know that I have matured by such experience. 
6. The dog that is better than most of the human beings 
• My dog used to be a guide dog who lead blind people. He even came out in TV program called "Animal Farm (동물농장)". He is very intelligent, understanding many of people's words and good at reading atmosphere. 
7. Meeting Samson
• Although I had known about the story of Samson since I was a little kid, as I am a Christian, he became significant only after a summer church camp. Through his story, I was able to perceive what kind of coward I was and was able to gain back confidence I had lost due to the hardest moment in No. 5
8. World I saw in the Archery field 
• Archery isn't just a sport, but more like a philosophy that has passed down from the very ancient time. When one's desiring to hit the target, one can't. It's only when one concentrate on the posture that one can truly hit the target. Also, the strength doesn't come from one's arms, like most people think. It comes from the very base of one's body, legs. Also, when the concentration shatters, the string itself gives a punishment, waking up the person. Once one gets an injury, one starts to feel frighten. To shoot again, one should overcome the fear and face the bow again.
9. KMLA Promoting Group
• One of the center of my high school life! I'm really proud of it and work enthusiastically. 
10. Being Tortured by my students in GLPS 
• I even had been shot by a water gun on face while other kids were clinging to my arms and legs so I won’t move and some kid stealing my drink away. Even in a situation when I could be angry about their rude behavior imply threw away the pride of teacher and played with them, not forgetting to tell them not to do such things to other teachers. The only time I scolded them was when they made an outsider and picked on him. 
11. Shall I get married? 
• Seriously considering of not getting married. I know how much my parents had gave up for us, and not sure if I can do the same. Also, I'm not planning to live long or wealthy, so it would be a harm to my husband.
12. Super size lunch
• When I went to USA, my english was so terrible especially in daily words that I wasn't able to read the lunch table except hamburger. Therefore, I only ate hamburgers for about a month (or three months, I don't really remember), unintentionally repeating the film, "Super size me"
13. The land that made me feel defeated: India
• When I went to India for volunteer work, rather than feeling proud, I felt despair that I wasn't able to change anything in real. All the works seemed like self-patting pleasure for myself rather than for the others. 
14. Hardcore class president 
• As a class president in 2-1, I worked extra hard.  My class never lost in contest of not wasting food and had barbeque every month. All the supplementary equipment and planning to carry out barbeque party was my work. Also, we attended cheering competition, so I did the work of coming up with lyrics, mixing song, and making movements of people. Also, we made shufflebot’s box as costume, so making sure they are preparing and searching for the proper way of making it was my job also. At teacher’s day, I videotaped everyone’s thank messages and put them into a fine video with song as a present with other gifts we prepared for our teacher. 
15. Letter to future me written in Postech camp 
• When I went to the camp, I wrote a letter forwarding to future me. After a semester, I received it, and was proud that I overcame most of the problems and concerns I had at that time. 
16. Reading my father's paper and finally understanding him
• For an assignment, I read my father's writing about his past life, and cried. I was able to understand that his actions that seemed irrational and discouraging to me was really for me, not wanting his daughter to repeat his mistakes. 
17. In-so is actually helpful 
• Most people hate In-so (Internet novels) and consider them to be waste. I agree to them most of the times, but there was one In-so (named ) that actually made me to consider many things of life and be more sincere and thankful to every moments.
18. Me as a father, and a boy as my daughter 
• When I was in middle school, one boy called me as father and I called him as a daughter. We used to hate each other so it was a miracle to have such a close relationship. 
19. 702(L) 
• It was my room (+Jaeyoon Shin) when I was going through the hardest moment of my life. Thanks to them, I was able to overcome and have a real close relationship that always heals me
20. My obsession with Mountain Dew
• I love Mountain Dew. I think it started as a person whom I admire told a funny joke about mountain dew that as it contains too much of sugar, when one boy in a class drank the whole 2L bottle of mountain dew, he ran around the whole classroom, shivering. But I think the reason is just because it's sweet.
21. Snowboarding
• One of my favorite sport. My father and my younger brother too snowboard. Actually, my brother is even better than many of adults and he plays in park(where there are lots of jumping hills). As my whole family enjoys winter sport (my mother skis), we visits ski resorts annually. 
22. Son of Shang Dynasty? 
• My name can be translated as "a son of Shang Dynasty" and many people find this interesting. The more exact translation is actually "have lots of offsprings" and I believe it means that I would make many accomplishments in the future before I die.
23. When my hair was cut by a science teacher 
• When I was in middle school third grade, my science teacher was a psycho. When he was threatening a student sitting behind me with a scissors, he accidentally swung right beside me and cut a chunk of my hair. Although I didn't feel anything at the lost of my hair, I felt really bad that he was swinging a weapon near me. It took a while for me to shook the incident off my mind.
24. Meeting people is one of the best ways to heal gloominess
• This is my personal belief and it has helped me to go through many tough circumstances.
25. Reflexive mental
• Does menboong, but quickly recovers.
26. Some dreams I had
• have very astral dreams. highjacking rockets, being a detective and tailing, being murdered and relived again for three times in school cafeteria, and being involved in a gang fight and actually winning by making a hiding place under asphalt.  
27. Curious Isabella
• Yes, I'm curious
28. Enthusiastic
• And yes, I'm enthusiastic
29. Hate meaningless paraphrasing in long conversation
• Yes, I hate it. Especially when I don't want to listen to the story or have not much time or there is something I want to say but have to wait until the story is over. Also hate when story loses track and the speaker just babbles everything out what he knows. 
30. Seriously considered working in media-related part (ex. video making, sound building

• As I love rock music, I wanted working with the artists who I really admired, and seriously considered in majoring in this field and have future job.

Last time I got a haircut

Having a grandfather who is suffering for cancer also means that having to watch him hide his empty head with a hat whenever I was passing by. He had lost his hair due to strong medication and the loss quite changed his appearance. I told him that he was still handsomest without his hair, yet he must have been mentally suffering for the hair loss. His silent sagging shoulders kept tortured me and somehow made me feel guilty.

One day, I found a poster that stimulated people to cut and share their hair to make wigs for children who were suffering leukemia or childhood cancer and lost their hair just like my grandfather. It was impossible for me to “perfectly” understand the agony, because I wasn’t in the exact same situation of illness. However, I understood how much the hair, which could seem insignificant to most people, could bring change to those children, as I have observed the change in my grandfather. Therefore, I decided to donate my hair too.

The donation had lowest boundary of 30cm of hair, as wigs can’t be made with too short ones. So when I cut my hair to match the requiring length, the long hair that initially reached the waist became to barely dangle on the top of the neck. Although the haircut dramatically changed my appearance that turned me to look like a boy, the lost of hair didn’t damage me much as I didn’t have much meaning in having a long hair. I felt that it was surprisingly easy to make others happy by sharing something that wasn’t needed to me. People have different order of priority. If people could give up their greed and share, they would be able to gain things that are higher in the order of priority to them by sacrifices of others who consider those things to be placed lower. I lost hair that was almost nothing to me, but some people gained what they were desperately craving for.

When I was back home with my new hairstyle, I enveloped my hair to the organization with a wish that this hair would give the children also a new hairstyle that would bring them confidence, hope, and passion which are the biggest fortunes of youth that can change everything. Seeing through the mirror of the void on my shoulder that used to be covered with black, I hoped the children’s shoulders, which must have been like my grandfather's, would rise up once again due to new hair that would bring them confidence. 

Came Back!!!!

Thought I would create another, but decided to continue on this blog!

I1: Welcome, myself.
I2: Sorry for not uploading anything for such a long time
I1: No, no it's okay. It's never too late.
I2: I quite don't really know what to write on here. It doesn't feel right to upload writings that are not finished or checked.
I1: Then maybe you can just write your pop-up ideas on your note like you have been doing for centuries and later write them on this blog.
I2: Yeah, I think I'll do that. Well, nice to see you again
I1: Good luck

The Body Reading Journal #2 Grow until reach the sky

The book, The Body illustrates the growth of the kids who travels to see a dead body of a kid. They are from different backgrounds and problems, and by going through the journey, they met what could be their enemies and grow up while going through. Also, they share the concerns that have been torturing, and heals each other.


The rumors about the dog chopper told that it is such a hellhound that will make people who go across the junkyard disabled. However, the chopper they met was a relatively small dog who they were able to tease at. By this experience of meeting the childhood monster, they realize how the things they used to fear could be really small and nothing, and that they don't need to be afraid of the monsters. Even though they seemed to still have fantasy about the under-bed monsters, when they grow up a little more, they will again realize that there's no such thing as the under-bed monsters, and remember their experience with chopper to laugh about it again.


While they were realizing the truth about the Chopper, Teddy meets an ordeal as his personal hero was ranked down by the Milo, the junkyard keeper. He said that Teddy's father was a loony. Teddy highly respected his father as he once have stormed the beach in Normandy, even though his father once almost killed him. As Teddy's father was attacked, he got mad, and almost tried to fight the Milo. But his friends managed to control him and get out of the junkyard. By this experience, Teddy learns that there's no need to care about what the others think of the person who he loves, as Chris said. Even though the others try to insult the respected one, it doesn't change that the value of him, which makes him still respectable.


Vern was a coward who was scared to go along the railroad that was on a bridge. While he was going through, he walked like a grandma who's not able to walk comfortably. Also, when the train was coming, he was trapped in terror that he couldn't move so fast. Still, he ran and was able to dodge the train. Dodging a moving train was Teddy's wish. And as Teddy was always making fun of Vern's cowardliness, it should have been a nice punch. It didn't change the Vern from inside-out as he was still afraid in the forest and many places. However, the experience gave him pride and honor of train dodging, and it must have helped him to grow up and escape the cowardliness.


Gordie lost his brother and was treated as a troublemaker in his house. His father tells him to have a nicer friends, and sometimes Gordie thinks that he should have died instead of his brother Dennis. He was living in his brother's shadow. However, whenever people tried to compare Gordie with Dennis, he managed to show them what kind of person he was. Especially when Ace mentioned Dennis to make Gordie to hand over the dead body to them, Gordie showed his toughness by threatening them back with a gun. It showed that he was a grown up guy with guts to stand up for what he think is right. It's much valuable than playing football very well, which is the aspect that people praised about Dennis. Gordie showed that he is too good to be in Dennis's shadow.


Chris, who is my favorite character, has once stolen milk money, and returned it. However, his teacher just took it, knowing that people won't believe Chris even if he claims that the teacher stole the money. Chris believed his teacher and she betrayed them, and it left as a scar in his mind. I felt very sorry and sad when I knew about his behind story. Children should carry their fantasies until they reach the appropriate age. Chris was too young to know the dirtiness and selfishness of human beings. But the teacher who should be leading her students to morality and help them to carry to the fantasies just broke them. I'm not a grown up yet, but this made me to wonder about the role of the adults; what adults should to for their children to help them keep their dreams, and how to present them a better world to live and love.


The best part was when Gordie wanted to stay with his friends and give up a better education. Chris was really angry and told Gordie that he shouldn't waste something that God gave him. It made me to remember a similar scene in the movie, Good Will Hunting. In that movie, a gorgeous mathematician Will works as a cleaner of universities, and wish his life to continue in such way. So, his friend Chuckie said,  'Fuck you, you don't owe it to yourself man, you owe it to me. Cuz tomorrow I'm gonna wake up and I'll be 50, and I'll still be doin' this shit. And that's all right. That's fine. I mean, you're sittin' on a winnin' lottery ticket. And you're too much of a pussy to cash it in, and that's bullshit. 'Cause I'd do fuckin' anything to have what you got. So would any of these fuckin' guys. It'd be an insult to us if you're still here in 20 years. Hangin' around here is a fuckin' waste of your time.' I thought that The Body and Good Will Hunting were trying to deliver a same message. The importance of using one's own talents and the value of real friend. Real friends help their friends when they are going to a path that's wrong and regretful. They don't get jealous. But cheer up and help. I thought that I also wanted to be a friend like him. And that if I had friends like him, I would have been really happy.


Even though they had many adventures, it didn't change them very much. Even after all the journey, they acted as young children who had same problems to solve . However, it certainly changed their views toward the world. The town that has been everything to them felt small. They have gained the chance to grow up. Reading this story made me to think back about my childhood (although I'm not so old) and feel nostalgic. I think reading this book was a nice chance to sink in memories, remembering the times I had overcame the similar problems they had.